125+ Funny Anniversary Wishes for Your Husband

funny anniversary wishes for your husband

It’s often said that laughter and a good sense of humor is the best way to celebrate anniversaries — and we completely agree!

But if you’re unsure of what to write in a happy anniversary card (or just need a bit of inspiration), we’ve compiled more than 125 hilarious anniversary wishes to share with your husband.

So whether you’re looking for something subtle, over the top, or in between — you’re sure to find a quote that resonates with you.

Funny Anniversary Wishes for Your Husband

1. “I don’t always plot your murder at night, but when I do it’s because you’re snoring.”

2. “If you’re reading this, it’s our anniversary (hope you didn’t forget)!”

3. “Thanks for pretending that you love me more than video games.”

4. “Remember when you held in your farts? I miss those days…”

5. “You’re the perfect choice for my first spouse!”

6. “Roses are red, violets are blue, the dog is my favorite, but you’re okay too.”

7. “I love you more than wine but please don’t make me prove it.”

8. “There’s no one I’d rather steal the bed covers from.”

9. “You’re doing such an incredible job with this husband stuff. 10/10 would marry again.”

10. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever found on the Internet.”

11. “Congrats on passing your one year trial! I’ve decided to keep you.”

12. “You said nothing would make you happier than a new TV for our anniversary, so I bought you nothing.”

13. “I wish you would empty the dishwasher and do the laundry more often… but I still love you.”

14. “I love you as much as cats love boxes.”

15. “No matter how hard life gets I would never feed you to a tiger.”

16. “You’ve tested positive for being the best husband in the world.”

17. “Unlike toilet paper my love for you will never run out.”

18. “There’s no one else I’d rather question what to have for dinner every night.”

19. “I’m so happy I married you. Carrying in my own groceries really sucked when I was single.”

20. “Thank you for being my radiator in bed.”

21. “Our yearly review is here again: there’s room for improvement but adequate overall.”

22. “Another year of stealing your chips.”

23. “I love you even though you suck at texting me back.”

24. “Thanks for putting up with me for [X] years.”

25. “I’d give you my last chicken nugget.”

26. “I vow to never watch Netflix episodes alone ever again.”

27. “There’s no one else I’d rather have swiped right for.”

28. “You’re my favorite husband thus far.”

29. “You think I’m crazy, but I’m not the one who married me.”

30. “Me talking. You pretending to listen. It’s worked out well so far.”

31. “I love you even when I’m really really hangry.”

32. “Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned to.”

33. “Well, we haven’t killed each other yet. I’d say we’re off to a great start.”

34. “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, I put up with you. So we’re basically even.”

35. “We’re tighter than a pair of skinny jeans.”

36. “I’d go to the DMV at lunch time with you.”

37. “There’s no one I would rather argue over nothing with.”

38. “You might be a prick… but you’re my prick.”

39. “I love you more than my shoe collection.”

40. “Being my husband is really the only gift you need (you’re welcome).”

41. “Happy [X] days of putting up with me.”

42. “You’re my favorite child that hasn’t grown up or moved away.”

43. “I’m like a couch: always here to make you feel comfy and relaxed.”

44. “Fact: I have at least 7 times more fun when you’re around.”

45. “Thanks for keeping my abnormally cold feet farm!”

46. “There’s nobody I would rather lie in bed and look at my phone with.”

47. “I love you even though you’re not wine.”

48. “Roses are red, violets are blue, drinks are cheaper than dinner for two.”

49. “I’d step on legos for you.”

50. “Today we celebrate the best decision you ever made.”

51. “This is turning into the longest one night stand ever.”

52. “I only argue with you about everything because I love you.”

53. “My love for you is higher than the death toll in Game of Thrones.”

54. “Here’s to another year of staying together for the kids.”

55. “I’ve been looking forward to this for 364 days.”

56. “I hope we can never afford a divorce.”

57. “Excellent husband. Would marry again.”

58. “Happy anniversary from the love of your life (that’s me by the way).”

59. “There’s no one I’d rather annoy for the rest of my life.”

60. “I love you cause you turn me on just as much as you piss me off.”

61. “Let’s keep making happy memories together even though you’re starting to lose yours.”

62. “Over these past few years, I’ve grown to really enjoy the sound of your snoring.”

63. “I’m so glad I swiped right.”

64. “Of all the weirdos on the Internet, you were my favorite.”

65. “I definitely could not have tolerated me for this long.”

66. “This is your yearly reminder that you’re still married to me.”

67. “Glad you didn’t ghost me.”

68. “I can’t believe how much I’m not sick of you.”

69. “I love you more than coffee (and that’s saying a lot).”

70. “There’s no one I would rather binge a whole series with.”

71. “I put up with you, you put up with me, but together we’re still a team.”

72. “I still can’t stand your farts.”

73. “Today we celebrate our codependence.”

74. “A wedding band is the smallest handcuff ever made, I’m glad I chose my cellmate wisely.”

75. “I still love you even though you load the dishwasher wrong.”

76. “I fantasize about you all the time — about you doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and cooking delicious food.”

77. “We’ve finally figured it out: you wear the pants, and I control the bank account.”

78. “To another successful year of not murdering each other.”

79. “Today’s a perfect day to belittle our single friends.”

80. “Yay, we still like each other!”

81. “No matter what life throws at you, at least you don’t have an ugly wife.”

82. “I love you more than the first cup of coffee in the morning.”

83. “There’s nobody else I’d rather have snoring next to me.”

84. “[X] days married and you still haven’t killed me (yet). Thanks for that.”

85. “Happy anniversary to the love of my life and the biggest pain in my ass.”

86. “I love that when I’m with you I don’t have to pretend to be a nice person.”

87. “It all started with a kiss (and after a few drinks).”

88. “You make me happier than a cat in a tiny box.”

89. “To my favorite Netflix partner.”

90. “It’s pretty cool that we’ve been together for however long we’ve been together.”

91. “You’re the only person I’ll do Ikea trips with.”

92. “I love you even though you use my toothbrush.”

93. “There’s no other snoring lump I’d rather be kept awake by all night.”

94. “Sometimes I get jealous of you. After all, you married the world’s most beautiful and brilliant woman. Happy anniversary, dearest husband!”

95. “It goes without being said, but I’m yours and there’s no refund.”

96. “You’re the first husband that I actually love.”

97. “Here’s to another year of you waiting endlessly while I get ready to go out.”

98. “Well, we made it another year without one of us either ending up dead or in jail. I call that a win.”

99. “Your farts stink but I still love you.”

100. “Wifey for lifey.”

101. “I’ve always wanted what’s best for you which is obviously me.”

102. “It’s remarkable how long we’ve tolerated each other.”

103. “There’s no one I’d rather sit in silence & stare at my phone with.”

104. “You would think this thing called love would get easier. Nope!”

105. “Still the best damn decision I ever made.”

106. “I’ve not for-cotton our anniversary.”

107. “You’re all I knead.”

108. “I love every pizza you.”

109. “You’re shrimply the best.”

110. “You’re the guac to my burrito.”

111. “You make me so ha-pea.”

112. “I know this is corn-y but I love you more.”

113. “Words cannot express hummus I love you.”

114. “Love you from my head…tomatoes.”

115. “[X] years on and I still wood.”

116. “Our bumble was meant to bee.”

117. “Olive you very much.”

118. “We make the perfect pear.”

119. “I know it’s cheesy, but you are brie-liant.”

120. “Happy anniversary to my significant otter.”

121. “We’re made pho for each other.”

122. “You are ‘my precious’.”

123. “I loaf you.”

124. “I’ll never let you gyoza.”

125. “You’re my soy-mate.”

126. “I whaley love you.”

127. “I’m your #1 flan.”

128. “I’ve never wanted you smore.”

129. “Udon know what you mean to me…”

130. “I love you so matcha.”

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