125+ Funny Anniversary Wishes for Your Wife

funny anniversary wishes for wife

It’s often said that laughter and a good sense of humor is the best way to celebrate anniversaries — and we completely agree!

But if you’re unsure of what to write in a happy anniversary card (or just need a bit of inspiration), we’ve compiled more than 125 hilarious anniversary wishes to share with your wife.

So whether you’re looking for something subtle, over the top, or in between — you’re sure to find a quote that resonates with you.

Funny Anniversary Wishes for Your Wife

1. “You talking. Me pretending to listen. It’s worked out pretty well.”

2. “I thought a card would be cheaper than divorce.”

3. “There’s no one I would rather argue over nothing with.”

4. “I love you as much as you love your phone.”

5. “I feel so lucky to have remembered our anniversary.”

6. “You nag me more than my mom, but I still talk to you. That’s true love.”

7. “Well, we haven’t killed each other yet. I’d say we’re off to a great start.”

8. “This is turning into the longest one night stand ever.”

9. “They aren’t farts, they’re love clouds to keep you warm.”

10. “Today we celebrate the best decision you ever made.”

11. “Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.”

12. “I wish you would cook and do the laundry more often… but I still love you.”

13. “Another year as my wife. You lucky, lucky woman.”

14. “Excellent wife. Would marry again.”

15. “Thanks for not leaving when I stopped holding in my farts.”

16. “I love you enough to give you ¼  of the bed every night.”

17. “I’d go to Costco on a Saturday with you.”

18. “[X] days married and you still haven’t killed me (yet). Thanks for that.”

19. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever found on the Internet.”

20. “There’s no one else I would rather snore next to.”

21. “Let’s keep making happy memories together even though you’re starting to lose yours.”

22. “I’m like a couch: always here to make you feel comfy and relaxed.”

23. “I love you more than coffee (and that’s saying a lot).”

24. “I’ve grown to accept the ridiculous choices you make.”

25. “It’s hard to find a partner that’s funny, sex, & smart. You’re one lucky lady!”

26. “I’d climb a mountain for you (just not a really big one).”

27. “In a galaxy far, far away there is someone I love. It’s you. The end.”

28. “Here’s to another year of staying together for the kids.”

29. “Happy anniversary to the love of my life and the biggest pain in my ass.”

30. “Admit it… life would be so boring without me!”

31. “I love you even though every conversation is recorded and used against me.”

32. “There’s no one else I would rather fall asleep watching a movie with.”

33. “Our yearly review is here again: there’s room for improvement but adequate overall.”

34. “I vow to never watch Netflix episodes alone ever again.”

35. “We’re tighter than a pair of skinny jeans.”

36. “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, I put up with you. So we’re basically even.”

37. “I’d give you my last chicken nugget.”

38. “You said nothing would make you happier than new jewelry for our anniversary, so I bought you nothing.”

39. “I love you even though you take 5 years to get ready.”

40. “First you stole my heart, now you steal the covers.”

41. “Happy anniversary. Here’s a piece of folded card.”

42. “Thanks for putting up with me for [X] years.”

43. “There’s no one else I’d rather question what to have for dinner every night.”

44. “I put up with you, you put up with me, but together we’re still a team.”

45. “Still the best damn decision I ever made.”

46. “Just wanted you to know I’ve already put more thought into our anniversary date than I did into my decision to get married.”

47. “I’d step on legos for you.”

48. “I love you even though you text me all the time.”

49. “My love for you is higher than the death toll in Game of Thrones.”

50. “This is your yearly reminder that you’re still married to me.”

51. “You’re the only person I’d do late night fast food runs with.”

52. “Congrats on passing your one year trial! I’ve decided to keep you.”

53. “I’m so glad I swiped right.”

54. “You’re stuck with me. Deal with it.”

55. “Today we celebrate our codependence.”

56. “There’s no one I would rather binge a whole series with.”

57. “You are the bane of my existence & the object of all my desires.”

58. “I stopped playing [game] just long enough to buy you this card.”

59. “I love you even though you send me too many memes.”

60. “Thanks for not leaving when I started going bald.”

61. “Being your husband is enough of a gift. You’re welcome.”

62. “Another year of stealing all your food.”

63. “I hope we can never afford a divorce.”

64. “Yay, we still like each other!”

65. “Unlike toilet paper my love for you will never run out.”

66. “No matter how hard life gets I probably wouldn’t feed you to a tiger.”

67. “I’m so happy I married you. Doing my own laundry really sucked when I was single.”

68. “I love you as much as you love wine.”

69. “There’s no one else I’d rather have swiped right for.”

70. “I don’t always plot your murder at night, but when I do it’s because you steal the covers.”

71. “You’re doing such an incredible job with this wife stuff. 10/10 would marry again.”

72. “No matter what life throws at you, at least you don’t have an ugly husband.”

73. “It’s pretty cool that we’ve been together for however long we’ve been together.”

74. “I agreed to marry you… that’s your gift.”

75. “Today’s a perfect day to belittle our single friends.”

76. “Thanks for not leaving when you found out I snore like a chainsaw.”

77. “I love you even though you’re not golf.”

78. “Of all the weirdos on the Internet, you were my favorite.”

79. “I can’t believe how much I’m not sick of you.”

80. “There’s no one else I’d rather have nag me all day.”

81. “You’re hotter than a Pop-Tart fresh out of the toaster.”

82. “I’ve always wanted what’s best for you which is obviously me.”

83. “Glad you didn’t ghost me.”

84. “No matter how hard life gets I would never feed you to a tiger.”

85. “You’ve tested positive for being the best wife in the world.”

86. “I got you a card in case you got me one.”

87. “There’s no one I’d rather sit in silence & stare at my phone with.”

88. “I love you more than the first cup of coffee in the morning.”

89. “Thanks for not leaving when I started getting fat.”

90. “This is your yearly reminder that you married up.”

91. “I’m giving you this card to acknowledge the fact that I like being married to you.”

92. “It all started with a kiss (and after a few drinks).”

93. “To my favorite Netflix partner.”

94. “Well, we made it another year without one of us either ending up dead or in jail. I call that a win.”

95. “I love you even though you use me as your personal radiator.”

96. “Being my husband is really the only gift you need (you’re welcome).”

97. “There’s no one else I would rather fall asleep watching a movie with.”

98. “It goes without being said, but I’m yours and there’s no refund.”

99. “It’s remarkable how long we’ve tolerated each other.”

100. “To another successful year of not murdering each other.”

101. “Let’s celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.”

102. “Roses are red, violets are blue, the dog is my favorite, but you’re okay too.”

103. “You’re my favorite wife thus far.”

104.“I love you even when you’re hangry.”

105. “If you were a library book I would still check you out.”

106. “You’re the chutney to my samosa.”

107. “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”

108. “To my wife – you are bun in a million.”

109. “I know this is corn-y but I love you more.”

110. “You’re the only meat for my taco.”

111. “Not to get all sappy, but I think you’re tree-mendous.”

112. “I’ll never let you gyoza.”

113. “You’re my soy-mate.”

114. “We make the perfect pear.”

115. “You’re the gin to my tonic.”

116. “Happy anniversary to my significant otter.”

117. “We’re made pho for each other.”

118. “It’s bean [x] years.”

119. “You’re steel the one. Now and fork-ever.”

120. “I donut what I’d do without you.”

121. “I pugging love you.”

122. “I’ve never wanted you smore.”

123. “I love you so matcha.”

124. “I’m your #1 flan.”

125. “Udon know what you mean to me…”

126. “Together through thick and tin.”

127. “Our bumble was meant to bee.”

128. “Muffin compares to you.”

129. “You’re the guac to my burrito.”

130. “I love every pizza you.”

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